May62012
My kitties.

My kitties.
May22012

My Evening From 6:30 pm to 9:30 pm via Google Docs

  • Bloodtearishere: Hi!
  • me: heya...remember, mr ryan doesnt want text!!!
  • Bloodtearishere: Oh right, thanks
  • me: yw
  • Bloodtearishere: I'm a bit tired.
  • me: me2
  • Bloodtearishere: Where were you today?
  • me: i have shitloads of hw
  • Bloodtearishere: Doesn't mean you couldn't come to the gym...seriously...Would have been nice. I did some serious strength training.
  • me: im not even half done with work. ive been at it for 3 hrs
  • Bloodtearishere: Geeez. Lemme get most of this presentation, then.
  • me: i want to do some work or else ill feel bad about making u do it all...who needs sleep, anyways??? ;)
  • Bloodtearishere: SLEEP??? HAHAHA!!! WHAT EVEN IS THAT??? Good lord I need a nap.
  • me: lolz
  • Bloodtearishere: My eyes feel all puffy 'cause I'm so tired.
  • me: my contacts are dry... hey where would u look to find lost video game controllers in a bedroom???
  • Bloodtearishere: Under the bed. In the bed. On the desk. In the toilet. Don't ask about that last one.
  • me: .......okayyyyy.......
  • Bloodtearishere: I BLAME THE DOG. I'm getting a headache...
  • me: no comment
  • Bloodtearishere: Silence. You're making it worse. brb feeding the dogs...Nick didn't (GRRRR)
  • me: kk :)
  • Bloodtearishere: back...so...What's up?
  • me: cant find the fucking controllers!!! I need them for tmrw for my play! one has to be broken so we're using the non working ps2 controller from nerf
  • Bloodtearishere: Language, please!
  • me: sorry, MOM
  • Bloodtearishere: Well excuse me for wanting it to be PG when my parents are right behind me.
  • me: ughhhhhh I can't find them!!!!!!!! Holy cow tippers!!!!
  • Bloodtearishere: I have no idea what you just said.
  • me: i can't find the controllers! then I said, "Holy cow tippers!!!!"
  • Bloodtearishere: ...I'm gonna go back to stuff
  • me: kk
  • Bloodtearishere: Oh, hey, what's your Pottermore account name? Imma friend you.
  • me: SilverAsh17923
  • Bloodtearishere: yay~What house are you? ORIGHT Slytherine
  • me: minus the extra e and i gave honest answers to get into my house...i didn't cheat OR lie
  • Bloodtearishere: Same! BUT DAMMIT WHAT WAS ON THAT SCROLL IN THE CHEST OF OBJECTS???? IT DIDN'T TELL YOU! I MUST KNOOOOOOOOW
  • me: I chose the silver dagger. ru a ravenclaw???
  • Bloodtearishere: I sent you a request! Yes. I'm a Ravenclaw. DRUG OF CHOICE; Adderoll
  • me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!! IM A SNAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11 :DDDDD
  • Bloodtearishere: I'M A RAVEN. RAVENS EAT SNAKES SO HA. HAHAHAHA. HA! HAAAAAAAAAAAA! take that.
  • me: im venomous and im screwed cuz i dont have controllers! u haz broken controller????? PLZ!!!!1
  • Bloodtearishere: What...I don't know text speak. Basic English would suffice, please.
  • me: do u have a broken/non-working controller i can have for my play to break even more? that is used for video games?
  • wtf is a 'chode'? my dad just called me a chode...I feel vaguely insulted
  • Bloodtearishere: He WHAT? No! That's incredibly rude! A chode is a penis that's wider than it is long!
  • me: he said, and i quote, "Whenever I come in to talk to you, without a fight, you turn it into one because you're a f****** chode!" I don't think I'm insulted anymore. Just terribly amused.
  • Bloodtearishere: That's just...Your father is so abusive...
  • me: there's nothing that can really be done about it. all the government will do is give him a slap on the wrist and say don't do it again. he's not physically abusive and it's not like i don't have another adult in the house. im also well fed and clothed, etc, and logan has no signs of any abuse whatsoever. the government will just say that he's shows a little more favoritism to my brother.
  • Bloodtearishere: But still. Emotional abuse is still abuse. At least talk to someone! You can vent to a counselor and say you don't want them to contact your family.
  • me: all counselors tell me is that there is nothing they can do if i don't want help, except give me a help hotline, which i'd rather not use. I've been venting on a new tumblr account
  • Bloodtearishere: Good for you.Venting is good.You know the difference between venting and ranting? A girl's night out and a bottle of Martinelli's.
  • me: hahahahahahahahahah... more like wine coolers
  • Bloodtearishere: No. No alcohol. I don't like it.
  • me: me neither but it's true. or if you're my mom, some of your friends' medical marijuana
  • Bloodtearishere: Wait what. Seriously? Huh.
  • me: yup... guess what i found. my build a bear stuff!!1
  • Bloodtearishere: Cool!
  • me: now tell me, for my play, which should i use. it doesnt matter but plzz help me. a rainbow trout pillow, a unicorn that neighs, a pink ballerina poodle, or a baby doll
  • Bloodtearishere: UNICORNUNICORNUNICORNUNICORNUNICORNUNICORNUNICORNUNICORNUNICORN
  • me: ... oh the reason i couldn't find the controllers: irma the cleaning lady put them in the game room
  • Bloodtearishere: UNICORN
  • me: okkkkkk
  • Bloodtearishere: ICHALLENGE YOU TO A D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-DUEL ONPottermore.
  • me: sry cnat too much homework left. aka french and honors geometry and studying for a test
  • Bloodtearishere: Aw...Not even one spell?
  • me: nope sry
  • Bloodtearishere: Aw, kk.So, what are we going to talk about?Just what's on the page?I kinda feel like we should mention other things...
  • me: yea. imma have notes but... yea basically. theres some thingsi cant put into pictures so ill say it
  • Bloodtearishere: Cool.,I'll speak a lot too.So much for getting stuff from that place we were talking about.But I can probably get my dad to look for some stuff.He went to Afghanistan, I think...If not, he probably still has some stuff from around there.I'm gonna take a break.
  • Back
  • me: hey back. had dishes and preparing my french recipe project by chopping onions and grating cheese
  • Bloodtearishere: Yum
  • me: the french onion soup will be
  • ~END~
May12012

This is my daily life between my father and I.

(Source: Spotify)

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9PM

This song is currently very me.

(Source: Spotify)

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April302012

Another song I feel characterizes my state of mind.

(Source: Spotify)

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12AM

Something that I feel characterizes my state of mind.

(Source: Spotify)

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12AM

Things I’ve Been Told Are Wrong

All my life, I’ve been told that I’ll be some beautiful supermodel that will marry some hot rich guy and have lots of cute little babies. From maybe the age of seven or eight, I felt this was off, wrong. I buried myself in books to distract myself from this feeling. I’m fifteen, 5’ 5”, and 196 lbs. In otherwords, on the line of obesity for my age-height-weight range. Obviously not a supermodel. Not even vaguely pretty. My boobs are big, like 36C big, but all I can think is, “Can I cut these off please? Something’s wrong with them.” I’ve tried to live with the hand I’ve been dealt by ‘God’, who my relatives (parents and grandparents) wholeheartedly assure me is real. I doubt it. If ‘God’ was real, why would he put someone in a body that was not them, at all? So not only am I ugly and obese, I also am a biological female who feels like she’s in the wrong body. I don’t feel female. In fact, I feel… nothing. If I had to identify, I’d say male, but when I sit quietly, I feel like I’m alone, and that’s nearly just fine. On top of all that, I like both boys and girls. Last September, I got a pixie cut, like Emma Watson’s haircut. On the way back from the parlor, my mother turned to me as i was styling my hair in the mirror and asked, “Are you sure you like guys?” I responded smoothly, “I like both,” in a voice, and with an expression, that screamed ‘DUH!’ She turned back to driving and ignored me for the rest of the car ride. My sexuality has not been brought up since then. I think that this is enough for tonight. Maybe I’ll write more later, when there’s no risk of my father coming in to tell me to go to bed. Goodnight.

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