All my life, I’ve been told that I’ll be some beautiful supermodel that will marry some hot rich guy and have lots of cute little babies. From maybe the age of seven or eight, I felt this was off, wrong. I buried myself in books to distract myself from this feeling. I’m fifteen, 5’ 5”, and 196 lbs. In otherwords, on the line of obesity for my age-height-weight range. Obviously not a supermodel. Not even vaguely pretty. My boobs are big, like 36C big, but all I can think is, “Can I cut these off please? Something’s wrong with them.” I’ve tried to live with the hand I’ve been dealt by ‘God’, who my relatives (parents and grandparents) wholeheartedly assure me is real. I doubt it. If ‘God’ was real, why would he put someone in a body that was not them, at all? So not only am I ugly and obese, I also am a biological female who feels like she’s in the wrong body. I don’t feel female. In fact, I feel… nothing. If I had to identify, I’d say male, but when I sit quietly, I feel like I’m alone, and that’s nearly just fine. On top of all that, I like both boys and girls. Last September, I got a pixie cut, like Emma Watson’s haircut. On the way back from the parlor, my mother turned to me as i was styling my hair in the mirror and asked, “Are you sure you like guys?” I responded smoothly, “I like both,” in a voice, and with an expression, that screamed ‘DUH!’ She turned back to driving and ignored me for the rest of the car ride. My sexuality has not been brought up since then. I think that this is enough for tonight. Maybe I’ll write more later, when there’s no risk of my father coming in to tell me to go to bed. Goodnight.
This is where I can say things I would be beaten for by my parents. I'm biologically female, 15, USA.Ask me anything Submit
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